I love being a city girl. Even if I choose to go away for a holiday, I wont ever steer away from the city too long. Like many, I’ve been born and bred in a city and have naturally formed a dependency on city life to feel at ease.
But it gets to me, y’know?
The traffic. The distance I drive to work. The rush of people in a mall. The mental fatigue.
I still love it though. No I won’t be considering a move soon. But I do want to live a better life in the city; I want to be able to feel calm amidst the chaos.
I just got back from a weekend trip to Langkawi, the ideal Malaysian lush life destination. I was sitting on the veranda of a preserved traditional Malay house in Bon Ton, and it got me thinking. The view is a sight for sore eyes. My mind is clear and my heart is at ease. How do I achieve this living in the city? Back home my mind is always on the next destination, next thing to tick off my to-do list and my body is physically tired from trying achieve all that.
A quote from Twitter got me thinking. You don’t have to do what everybody else is doing.
A conversation with my mother also caught me off guard.
Ma, after my event I’ve got a meeting then tea at 4.
Tak letih ke? (Aren’t you tired?)
Letih sikit. (A bit tired) But the weekend is only 2 days.
Tak tahu la macam mana orang muda buat. Mama dengar pun rasa letih
(I don’t know how you young people do it, just listening to your schedule makes me tired)
I gave that quote a good long thought. And I figured as straightforward as it sounds, it was indirectly telling me one other thing: to say no more often.
I realised that when I said no more often I was not only more in control of myself, I was also more mentally stable. Doing too much and saying yes when I was not mentally prepared to commit to something had me stressed out and anxious. And that’s the problem. Most of us only take things seriously when it gets physically straining, hardly mentally.
You don’t have to do what everybody else is doing. Yet it doesn’t mean you shouldn’t do anything at all. It just means you should not feel pressured to commit to a lifestyle that you cannot sustain. Life has been as such that I’m always trying to keep myself busy by always going out and being preoccupied. But it gets so tiring. So tiring that some days I just want to say no to everything.
So Langkawi has inspired me to be kinder on myself. To not succumb to self-inflicted pressure. To just take it one day at a time. I’m trying and it’s hard. Yet I’m feeling a renewed energy. And at peace with myself. That’s the most important thing.