Comfort in solitude

Sometime towards the end of the year, I met someone who helped change the course of my life.

It seems cliché to say so, but I was lost. I was torn. I tried to let my problems fix itself, but I realized it wasn’t about having a problem. It was my attitude towards fixing it. I had a lot of fears (and still do). So when someone close told me to see a counsellor they were seeing, I almost wanted to flip.

A counsellor? I don’t need advice from her, I have you to give me advice!
There’s only so much advice I can give you.
But I have trust issues. You know how uncomfortable I feel about opening up.
Give her a chance, I think you’ll like her.

We’ll call her J.

I loved her. She was not the counsellor I had in mind. At first glance most people would have identified her as a religious teacher. But she was not. She was spiritual, and treated me as her own daughter. She made you feel accepted and comfortable without being unprofessional and biased. I only saw her a few times. But I had learned more about myself in the few sessions than I had in a long time.

The reason I decided to see her was because I wanted to address some of my fears that was holding me back. It seemed petty. But if a fear holds you back, the only way to not let it is by facing the issue.

Comfort in Solitude

I had just got out of a relationship. After many years of relying on the company of a companion, I was forcing myself to rekindle the companionship of myself. I don’t like to do things alone. It makes me anxious and reminds me of loneliness. A pretty weak excuse, but a feeling is a feeling.

This weekend, I want you to go to a coffee shop and have a meal by yourself.
What?? In public? Seriously..
Yes, I want you to try. And then tell me about it.

It was a strange feeling. But I took it as a dare that I wanted to win (for my own good). J’s request was based on the very thing that I enjoyed most but held myself back from doing due to my own limiting thoughts. Thinking that people might think I’m a loner, that I have no-one to talk to were all just thoughts in my head. But J taught me that what other people think of you is none of your business. When I applied that to all my fears, I immediately felt better.

Learning to be comfortable in my own company is something I am still getting used to. Solitude is not a bad thing, in fact it is much needed to rejuvenate the mind. I read somewhere that learning to reflect in you own company makes one a more understanding person. I hope I head towards that. J also spoke to me about how to be a more understanding person (something I was lacking). I shall leave that for another blogpost.

It’s been 8 months and I am still trying to apply what I’ve learned to new situations. I still feel a little nervous but a whole lot more liberated. And that’s the thing about facing fears. The little courage you take leads you to the liberty of your soul. People should do it more often.



  1. Practice makes perfect. Consistent habits help maintain a mindset/attitude. Super proud of you, I hope you know that!

    1. SS

      Thank you Bestie <3

  2. […] an earlier post I had written about my encounter with J – a person who changed the course of my life […]

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